I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
