During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
