Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
