I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
