I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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