your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
