Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
