No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
