I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
