I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
