I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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