How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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