just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize