That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
