You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
