just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
