I want to make a zoo with you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
