Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
