That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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