I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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