Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
