Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
