I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
