someone get that fucking seahorse.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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