Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
