You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
