I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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