So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
