Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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