sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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