I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You made out with two different species that night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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