i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
