My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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