Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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