so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
