I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
