How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
