Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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