god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
