and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
