And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
