Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
