Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
