your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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