did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Less talking, more tequila
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
