Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
