he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
