dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
