Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
