after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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