I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Success! We fucked roommates!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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