It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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