thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
