Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
