I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
