Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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