It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
